Tag Archives: job application jokes

Job Application and Job Interview Humor

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Cover letter: “I would be prepared to meet with you at your earliest
convenience to discuss what I can do to your company.”

That’s what we’re afraid of …

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Resume: “It is my professional objective to obtain a position which
allows me to make use of my commuter skills.”

I think we can oblige.

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Weaknesses: “Suffer from prickly heat in summer.”

Sounds uncomfortable.

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Cover letter: “Enclosed is my resume for your viewing pleasure.”

We can hardly wait.

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Cover letter: “You are privileged to receive my resume.”

We’ll try not to let it go to our heads.

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Objective: “To mature in the field of human behavior.”

Good luck with that.

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Experience: “10 years of experience in financial budgiting and transactions rigistering.”

But limited experience with the spell-check function.

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Cover letter: “Please overlook my resume.”

If you insist.

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Cover letter: “I am submitting the attached copy of my resume for your consumption.”

Yum.

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Translator gets 400 words to translate.
Client : How long will it take?
Translator : About a week.
Client : A whole week for just 400 words? God created the world in 6
days.
Translator : Then just take a look at this world and afterwards take a
look at my translation.

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Skills: “Grate communication skills.”

Yes, but can you talk and chop at the same time?

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Experience: “Responsibilities included recruiting, screening,
interviewing and executing final candidates.”

Seems kind of harsh …

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Cover letter: “Salary demanded – $65,000.”

Would you like that in small, unmarked bills?

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Strengths: “Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

Would that be Mozart or Beethoven?

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Education: “B.A. in Loberal Arts.”

Did you minor in ear piercing?

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Cover letter: “I’ve updated my resume so it’s more appalling to
employers.”

We’re pretty shocked already …

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Cover letter: “Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the
two are usually inseparable.”

Glad to hear it.

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Cover letter: “My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels,
and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.”

At these extremes, some things are best left unsaid.

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Cover letter: “Experienced in all faucets of accounting.”

That should help with the flow of information.

Job interview

Had an interview for a job as a farrier once. I was asked if I had ever shoed a horse. I said no, but I’d told a donkey to go away once.

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Went for an interview and was asked about my background. I showed him my phone, with a photo of my dog going for a walk.

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They say dress for the job you want, not the one you have, but going to that interview dressed as Batman didn’t get be the job.

Told them at an interview that I always gave 100%. Didn’t get the job as an exam marker.

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I was at a job interview today when the manager handed me his laptop and said
“I want you to try to sell this to me.”

So I put it under my arm, walked out of the building, and went home.

Eventually he called me and said “Bring my laptop back here right now!”

I said “$200 and it’s yours.”

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I was asked at an interview what my biggest weakness was and said “honesty”. The interviewer said “I don’t see that as a weakness”, and I replied “I don’t care what you think”…

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How does a freelancer define “weekend”?

Two working days till Monday.

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I was asked in an interview to describe myself in three words. I said “not very good at following instructions”.

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What kind of job are you looking for? I’m looking for a job where I am politely ignored and left to my own devices. With unlimited Internet access, doughnuts, and coffee.

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What kind of job are you looking for? Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

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Are you willing to work extra hours? Sure, as long as they’re lunch hours.

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I was asked in an interview if I could perform under pressure. I said yes, and I do a good version of Bohemian Rhapsody too.

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Interviewer: What’s your biggest weakness? Me: I don’t know when to quit. Interviewer: You’re hired. Me: I quit.

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After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

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I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income.

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I worked at the bank as a teller for a while…until I started losing interest.

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